Grumpiness

Have you ever noticed that when you are in a bad mood, it seems that everyone is especially annoying and even the most endearing little things your kids do, or your friends do, or your significant other does, make you want to pull your hair out?

It's so so tempting to say "Well, I'm in a bad mood, so deal with it" and let your bad mood infiltrate the others in your life.

I, like every one of you, have been the victim of someone's bad mood more than once. Its no fun, especially when you are in a "very good mood" and someone else ruins it with their "very bad mood." Can you imagine if everyone decided to do that? Everyone who was struggling with something, or frustrated with the obstacle they are facing just decided to take it out on everyone else? Madness.

Everyone, every day, is facing some obstacle, fighting some battle -- a "something that is important enough to them to be willing to struggle for." You are not the only one struggling and their struggle is just as important to them as yours is to you.

So be nice to each other. Really. Its not that hard. Resist the urge to share your bad mood and instead cheer yourself up by being kind to others. You may find it makes your struggles a little easier as well.

Obstacles

 

I'm reading David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest right now. Not a book for everyone, I don't think. It has so much depth and sadness and true soul-bearing reality, I actually have to take breaks from reading it or I get too moody and thoughtful. VERY good book. Just warning you, it will make you think.

I will most likely share a lot of quotes from this book at one point or another. The quote above is NOT from this book, but the one below is... and I think the both share a similar thought:

You are what you love. No?
You are, completely and only, what you would die for
without, as you say, the thinking twice.

-- David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest

The obstacles in our lives are unique to us -- they block our ability to gain whatever it is that we most want or need, be it a person, a thing or an ideal. Whatever it is that we want or need - that thing is important to us, so important that we are willing to be uncomfortable, to struggle to overcome that obstacle.
We learn what is most important to us through learning what we are willing to struggle for -- what we are willing to go out of our way to make happen, to work hard for, to make an effort for. A thing is not an obstacle for us unless it is blocking something we want or need to have.

This leads me to two thoughts:

1. That without obstacles, we cannot really understand what we value most. Therefore obstacles, though frustrating, are a necessary evil.

2. That since the things that are most important to me are not always the things most important to other people, it makes sense that the things that are obstacles to me, the things I struggle with, might not seem like such a big deal to other people... and vice versa.

What are the obstacles in your life, in your work, in your parenting that you are struggling to overcome? What does this say about what is most important to you?

Excitement

Excitement. It's hard not to get excited when someone else is excited, isn't it? You see how jived up they are about whatever it is they are jived up about and it makes you just a bit jived up about it too.

So when I read this quote, from Joyce's Portrait, despite the fact that it was being used to point out how the things being taught to Stephen and his classmates were mere rote with no sense of understanding from those they were meant to educate, I actually saw how this COULD be used to educate... such a simple statement that says so so much.

Excitement is definitely important. As someone in nonprofits, I love passionate people because they are so excited about what they are doing that they are willing to volunteer to do it! I NEED excited people!

But being excited without being SMART.... its like being lost in the ocean. What is the point of being excited if you go off half-crazy and don't think through what it is you are hoping to accomplish? Its easy to get excited about a project, but its important to throw in a bit of caution to keep your course clear ahead! Red balloons are great, but not if you allow them to lift you up into the air and never get back down again!

Be excited. Be passionate. But be SMART too.

Adversity

Adversity.

I don't think I knew what adversity meant until about five years ago. Since then, I have definitely had my share of adversity. In fact, I'm pretty darn tired of adversity and tend to complain that life should not be THIS hard ALL. THE. TIME.

This summer as my fortieth birthday approached, I challenged myself to start reading again -- really reading, not just stuffing my head with literary fluff. I started with Joyce's Dubliners and then moved on to his Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. I've also, I might add, become one of those dorky people who highlight things in their books and write quotes on their bathroom mirrors.

This quote was magic to me -  I was mesmerized by it. I wrote it on my bathroom mirror. I highlighted it in my book. I even made this crazy little graphic above and put it on my Facebook page. Yes, I AM that dorky.

But maybe when I explain why, you'll understand. You see, this adversity thing has had me really down the past few years, like I said... and honestly, there are plenty of days when I feel like I don't even want to get up and fight the good fight, just because, well... I'm freaking exhausted.

Something about stars though -- pretty stars, majestic stars, a sky filled with stars, dancing among the stars -- this strikes me as beautiful. About as beautiful as adversity is ugly. And somehow knowing that I get to dance among the stars once I get through this adversity business... well, it makes it all seem just a bit easier.

I introduce you to my new mantra: "Per aspera ad astra" -- through adversity to the stars! May it give you as much inspiration as it has given me!

Red Balloons

My dear friend and co-worker Noel likes to joke that my job is to blow up red balloons full of new ideas and her job is to pop some of them to keep us grounded in reality. She is always very supportive of my "great ideas" but she also keeps me from losing focus by chasing after too many at once.

In business, its certainly important to be grounded in reality -- but that doesn't mean you can't dream and think of "impossible things." Each new product, each new service, each new company comes from one person's dream -- one person's ability to believe in something impossible long enough to make it possible.

Practice thinking the impossible. Blow up your own red balloons and see if any of them soar. Many possibilities were once impossible to imagine... who knows what great new idea you can discover when you step outside the box!

Accomplishment

Accomplishment.

I have this on my mind today as I am in the process of completing something I've dreamed of (in one form or fashion) for a very long time. I remember a time when this accomplishment was nothing more than a thought in my head, a great idea worth considering, when time permitted. It made it on the list, but who knew when it would find its way to the top.

Many of my projects are like this -- things I really *want* to do, but things that, for whatever reason, always seem to be displaced by things I *need* to do instead. Sometimes the things I *want* to do actually become things I *need* to do, for whatever reason, and that's when times like this happen, and I get to watch something come together that I imagined long ago.

It's so easy for me to get overwhelmed by the giant to-do list I have each day... to be frustrated by the unending list of *needs* that constantly push aside my *wants* and demand my attention. Days like today remind me that the mere act of putting it on the list is a decision to TRY, to dream up a world in which this thing EXISTS and WORKS and makes lives easier. And despite the fact that it may be days, weeks, months or even years before that dream becomes a reality, knowing its there, knowing I've made the decision to try it, means that someday it might come true.

Today I look at my to-do list as a list of future accomplishments. It seems much less overwhelming that way.

What does support look like? A story of two bookends...

Four years ago, I started a long, stressful and often terrifying journey I never imagined I'd take and transitioned from being a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom to a working-outside-the-home, single mom. The emotional tolls of my divorce and subsequent custody case, along with the fear of being alone for the first time was almost too much to bear.

During that dark time, The Mommies Network was there for me. I was supported and loved and cared for in so many ways. I will never be able to repay the women who helped me during this time in my life.

Two women in particular went above and beyond... I jokingly called them my bookends, because they were so different from each other, but so good at coming along either side of me and literally holding me up when I felt I couldn't stand a moment longer.

Both of these women I met through my local TMN chapter, CharlotteMommies. Both I had just met within a year of my life completely falling apart. Yet these two women changed my life -- they supported and loved me in my darkest moments. I am a better person because of them.

Two years ago, I wrote this thank you to them and it still holds just as true today:

I have had many friends over the course of my life. I am blessed to have many people who I love and who love me back... who have been there for me through good times and bad times... who have given me hope when I had none, who have let me cry when I needed to cry and giggle like a maniac when I needed to do that too :)

But the past two years have brought two amazing and special people into my life and tonight, as I sit here, surfing the internet and spending time in thought and introspection, I felt the need to just tell the world how really special they are to me and how grateful I am to have them in my life.

To my dear friend, my heart, Carrie Smith...
Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for coming to my house to learn about homeschool and starting a friendship that I know will last until we are old and gray. Thank you for teaching me that faith isn't something that you just share with other people, it is something you have deep inside of you and you let sustain you. Thank you for being kind and loyal and loving. Thank you for loving me enough to take my phone calls at all hours and for coming to my house just because I need a hug. Thank you for making me a part of your family and for loving my children almost as much as I do and for letting me love yours almost as much as you love them. Thank you for loving me enough to speak the truth, even when you don't think I want to hear it. Thank you for crying with me and laughing with me. Thank you for giving me a home when I didn't have one and for letting me come by for a visit without even having to call (or even knock!). Thank you for being my FAMILY. You are a woman of great faith and love... and I am honored and blessed every single day to have you in my life and to call you my friend.

To my dear friend, my confidence (even when I don't have any), Mian Baker...
Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for not thinking I was full of myself for wanting to teach you something and instead just loving me and teaching ME something instead. Thank you for letting me come to your house that day with my pitiful gift of pizza and coke and starting a friendship that will last a lifetime. Thank you for being the person I can call when I am in a panic and always knowing how to calm me down. Thank you for going over and over and OVER things with me until I get them (and then going over and over and over them again when I falter and forget). Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for always standing by me, even when you don't agree with what I'm doing. Thank you for letting me come to your house for lunch and then whipping up a fabulous meal so I don't have to eat a cheeseburger for the umpteenth day in a row. Thank you for all the nights you sat with me because I was afraid to be alone and all the times you hugged me tight because I was crying so hard I couldn't stand up. Thank you for being a fierce friend and being the first person in my whole life to stand up for me and defend me when I couldn't do it myself. Thank you for breaking down the big things into small chunks so I can find a way to attack them one by one. You are a woman of great confidence and loyalty and I am honored and blessed every single day to have you in my life and call you my friend.

The two of you have held me up during the hardest time of my life. I am a better person for knowing you. I know that I would not have made it through the past eighteen months without your constant support and love. I hope you both know how very much you mean to me and how very much I love you. You are both the most amazing, brilliant women I know and I cannot even begin to thank you for all you have done for me and my girls.

To my dear bookends... you are amazing. I love you both!

To Carrie and Mian, thank you, a thousand times over, for all that you have given me -- your love and friendship and support.

Everything is better with a supportive friend (or two!) and a long talk over a hot cup of coffee with a good friend can make even the worst days seem a little less horrible. I hope that many of you are lucky enough to have bookends -- those friends who support you through good and bad, who are always there when you need a hand (or a shoulder to cry on).

I made my donation to The Mommies Network's Annual Appeal this year in honor of my bookends, and the many other wonderful friends I have made through TMN.

Please join me in helping TMN to continue to bring women together and help them find support and friendship. I don't know how I would have survived the past four years without my dear friends... and I hope that together, we can continue to help women find those connections for years to come.