From Concept to Reality

Its great to have a concept, but the real skill is the ability to actualize it and make it a reality. How do you do that?

First, you need to understand that your concept is a goal -- it is the point you would like to reach. Its unlikely that this is something that is a step or two away, so you need to see it as a destination in the distance and your implementation strategy is the path you build to get there.

Yesterday we talked about how imperative it is to be aware of who you are now, in order to begin to see how you can become who you want to be. Here is where this characteristic of self-awareness is key: you must know from where you are starting in order to plan how to reach your destination (your goal). You have to be brutally honest here -- inflating who you are is only going to cause pitfalls in the path ahead.

Once you know where you are (self-assessment) and where you want to go (concept/goal), design the best path to get there. Just as you would look at a roadmap and consider all the factors of travel when planning a trip (distance, time, ease of travel, traffic congestion, etc), so you must consider every factor as you plan your roadmap to your goal. Who do you need to help you make this a reality? What resources do you already have available? What resources are available outside of your organization that might assist you or make your pathway more solid and secure? What combination of resources will produce the best end result?

Finally, but certainly most important, prepare your team for the road ahead. Help them see the goal as clearly as you do, and understand how it will collectively benefit the organization. Show them the clear pathway to the goal and encourage them to come along with you. Give them a clear understanding of the benefits of reaching the goal and a clear pathway to reach the goal, and they will come along with you on the journey and help you attain the goal.

See the destination. Clear the path. Show the way. Help everyone reach the destination.

It can't be any easier, folks. Try it!

Keys to Conceptualization

The thing about servant leadership is that you can't really talk about one characteristic of this leadership style without somehow incorporating at least one or two more. The great thing is how all of these characteristics work together to create a successful team environment.

Such is true with the idea of conceptualization. In order to be successful at conceptualizing, you need to be skilled in other areas, such as awareness, listening and empathy.

In order to conceptualize where you want to be and how to get there, you first need to truly understand where you are and who you are as an organization. Lack of awareness will lead to lack of conceptualization. You must know first what you have and what you need before you can determine how to get it.

Once you know where you are, its important to listen. Listen to what your employees are saying about your company and learn where they feel you need to grow and improve. Listen to the outside world and find out what is out there that you can utilize to become more successful. The more you listen and keep an open mind about the information you hear, the more you will have to work with as you build your vision of the future.

Finally, empathize. Remember that your staff is your vehicle to any change, to any improvement, to any success, and without them, you are certain to fail. Keep their concerns in mind, as they are the implementers and you need their support. If you aren't concerned about what effects your team, how can you expect them to be concerned about your vision for the future?

In order to form a concept of what you can be, you must first know who you are, know what resources you have and know what resources you can obtain outside of your organization. To ensure the success of your concept, you must ensure your team is supported and feels that you value their input and concerns, so that they will come along with you and help you make your vision a success.

What is your vision for the future in your leadership role? Have you developed a concept? How will you turn it into a reality? A great leader knows the way is through caring for their team and getting them on board. Conceptualization, while key to a servant leader, is only successful when one is mindful of all the other servant leadership characteristics and is utilizing them appropriately.

Step outside the box -- its a big world out there!

This week, we’re going to talk a little bit about the sixth characteristic of a servant leadership, conceptualization.

Wikipedia states the following on its Servant Leadership entry:

A servant leader thinks beyond day-to-day realities. That means he has the ability to see beyond the limits of the operating business and also focuses on long term operating goals. A Leader constructs a personal vision that only he can develop by reflecting on the meaning of life. As a result, he derives specific goals and implementation strategies.

What does this mean?

It means a servant leader thinks “outside the box.” Heck, some servant leaders don’t even hang out in the box – they live outside it!

A good leader is able to look at a problem or issue within his company or team and see beyond the current solutions to what solutions might be available beyond their normal scope.

For example, a start-up company is struggling with its marketing needs, having only one person to handle the entire department. A long list of major start-up projects puts the timeline further and further out for completion.

A stagnant leader might see only what is in front of him, the funding to pay only one person, who is unable to complete the project in the timeline needed. He might not see how the project can be completed at all. He might demand more of his one employee, causing him to be resentful and bitter. As a result, the project may not ever be completed and, as a startup, the entire company may eventually fail.

A great leader will look beyond what he currently has. Instead of saying “Oh, we can’t do that” when presented with an idea or a solution, he says “How can we do that?” He looks beyond what lies right in front of him and takes off the blinders. He opens himself up to new ideas, new concepts, new solutions, and as a result, finds better success, because he doesn’t focus on the limitations, but rather the possibilities.

Ask yourself today – are you someone who focuses on the limitations you have? Or do you look beyond those limitations and see the possibilities of what you can accomplish? I encourage everyone today to take a step outside the box – the air is fresh and the ideas are new and ever-improving. You’ll never know what great things lie ahead if you aren’t willing to go looking for them!

Thou Shall Not Manipulate!

Every good thing has a bad side, right? And the bad side of persuasion is manipulation. A good leader persuades his team to get on board, helps them see the benefits of working together and outlines the positive future of the project or idea. A bad leader goes one step further and manipulates his team to get what he wants. Know the difference.

Let's look to politics to see an example of this that everyone can understand.

Imagine a political candidate. He wants to get that position -- he wants you to like him! He makes lots of promises to you, the voters, so that you will support him and his agenda and vote him into office. Once there, faced with the limitations of the position and the politics surrounding it, he isn't able to make good on all of those promises. Voters are discouraged, but he got what he wanted, so who cares, right?

How many of you have been one of those voters, completely disenchanted with the lack of follow-through with your elected leaders?

So don't be that way with your employees!

Don't make a promise you can't keep. If you have to promise your employees something that you can't keep in order to get them to buy into your idea or project, perhaps you should reconsider the potential success of your project.

Don't ask your employees to do something you aren't willing to do yourself. The best way to persuade your team to get behind your idea is to get in, on the ground floor, and be willing to do the grunt work yourself. If they see that you are willing to get your hands dirty to make the project successful, they will be more willing to do so as well.

Do share the long-term benefits with your team, not just at the beginning when you are trying to get their support, but throughout the project. Help your team keep their eyes on the prize and share your hope and passion with them, as hope and passion are infectious!

Do LISTEN. If you are the great leader that I know you are, then you have surrounded yourself with a great team, filled with intelligent, insightful people. Listen to their feedback. Don't assume that your idea is perfect, that your project is flawless. Most likely there is room for improvement. Valuing your team's input and listening to and addressing their concerns will help them feel more comfortable with the project's future success, and more willing to work hard toward making the project successful. Willingness to listen and implement your team's insight into your plan is crucial to getting their support and buy in -- the quickest way to a failure is assuming that you have all the answers.

Getting your team behind you is not hard if you are putting your team first. A great leader ignites passion in his team and accomplishes great things because he relies on the joint efforts of many to bring the idea to fruition. His team knows he cares for them and they, in turn, care for what the leader cares for and work to make it a success.

Be careful to avoid crossing the line and using your power as a leader to manipulate and deceive to accomplish your goals. You will find yourself at the end of the line, with no team behind you. Great teams support great leaders. Don't let the power go to your head and cross that line -- for what is a leader if he has no one following him?

Let's make this easy for you...

A Philosophy Lesson

So I could give you a big long post about what persuasion is, but in my research, I found this great video...and, well, rather than reinvent the wheel, I have decided to share the video with you here. Please check it out. The art of persuasion is a key strength in a great leader. A project is always more successful when the entire team is passionately supporting it and a successful leader is able to encourage that kind of passionate support from his team.

But first, a philosophy lesson... Aristotle taught us about the art of persuasion and identified three appeals necessary to successful persuasive speech. Check it out below... and come back tomorrow to see how we apply this to our servant leadership style.

What can I say about Jenny?

When I sat down to try to think of just one word that would describe my friend and co-worker, Jenny Sowry, it was impossible.

She's so many things. A great mom to a really cool kid. A supportive wife to a really nice guy. A really good friend, not only to me, but to many, many other people. And that's just the beginning.

She's also the Senior Manager for the Editorial Department at The Mommies Network and perhaps one of the greatest servant leaders I have ever had the opportunity to work with.

I met Jenny just over a year ago. She lives near me and had been involved in leadership on her chapter, as well as volunteering at a national level with The Mommies Network, but we didn't cross paths until she volunteered to help me with a video project and attended our leadership retreat to take video footage of our volunteers. Within minutes of meeting her, I knew I had found a kindred spirit and we chatted with each other as though we were old friends.

As my role at TMN shifted and I began to develop an Editorial Department to house and manage our various online publications, I knew that I wanted Jenny on my team. Her dedication to our mission was evident in all that she did and I knew that great things were going to happen if Jenny was involved!

Jenny takes her job very seriously and she is tremendously talented. Her expertise is bar none and not only does she regularly bring great ideas to the table, but she follows through and brings them to fruition, constantly improving the department and the quality of our content and graphics.

But what Jenny does best, and why she is quite possibly the most beloved member of the Editorial Department (which has grown under her leadership to quite a big group!), is care for the people she works with and helps each of them to achieve their own success in their role. Her volunteers know she is dedicated. They see that she won't ask them to do anything she isn't willing to dive into the trenches and do along with them. She stays up until the wee hours of the morning scheduling blog posts for chapters where their leadership is stretched thin and need extra help. She rearranges her day to be there when one of her team members needs her time or attention. She regularly lets her team know how much she appreciates them and values the work that they do. She empowers them to do great things and steps back and lets them shine.

I always say that my number one job every day is to make sure Jenny is taken care of and supported. Its a pleasure and a honor to have that as my priority, because I couldn't ask for a more amazing person to work with every day. She takes care of so many people, she gives so much of herself to her team and to The Mommies Network, it seems only fair that she should get my first attention!

And don't just take my word for it -- just hear what some of her team had to say:

Jenny has got to be one of the hardest working moms I know and she doesn't get paid a dime. She's an amazing boss who will always give credit to her team before taking any for herself. It seems effortless for her to show so much appreciation and love for the mommies that work for her. She just fabulous!

--Kristin Swaim, TMN Graphics Manager

Though I've been a member of The Mommies Network for three years, I'd never been a manager, even at the chapter level, before taking on my role as National Blog Manager. Despite how busy things were (and always seem to be!), Jenny not only made me feel right at home within TMN's expansive staff, but boosted my confidence and encouraged me to take on my job with pride. This was no easy feat - I felt inexperienced and insecure about taking charge as a newbie, not wanting to step on any toes among such talented women. But it was Jenny's light-hearted, friendly and overly welcoming word choices and emoticons (oh, the technological world we live in!) that pushed me from sitting on the sidelines to jumping in and taking charge as if each proposed project was my own. Every step of the way, she's been host to endless questions and suggestions, and she always answers them with poise - even if she doesn't agree with you. She does her best to be professional and courteous in the most frustrating of circumstances, and still knows how to have a goofy, down-to-earth, good time. She created a great sense of respect and camaraderie within the Blog Transition Team - creating friendships across the country among women who wouldn't have had the opportunity to get to know each other without this fun, supportive group. In other words, she is the very essence of The Mommies Network, infusing everything she touches with our mission statement. We love you Jenny! - The Lickster ;)

--Jennifer Rychlicki, TMN National Blog Manager

So, if you are a part of TMN and want a great example of a servant leader, look no further than our wonderful Jenny Sowry. We're so lucky to have her as a part of our organization and I'm grateful that I can call her my friend!

What is your Credit Score?

One of the things I noticed this past weekend, as I spent time with so many great visionary leaders and people passionate for the cause of ending suicide, is that none of these people seem the least bit interested in their own personal credit score.

What do I mean by that?

So often, in the workshops, in the meetings, in the casual conversations that were had in corridors and even the bar after hours, the word credit came up. But not in the way you might imagine. These people weren't talking about getting credit. They were talking about how it doesn't really matter.

Their goal, their singular goal, is to help those who need it get the resources they need. They want to ensure that each person is taken care of, so that the option of suicide does not become the only option for them. But they really don't care HOW this happens, just as long as it happens.

Organizations from across the country banded together last weekend to raise awareness for the lack of resources for our veterans and to urge everyone to work together to create a support plan for these individuals that has no gaps for them to fall into, no places for them to get lost in the system. They weren't concerned about who was the organization that "saved the life" -- they were just concerned that the life got saved.

Now I know, suicide -- I mean... its a pretty huge thing, right? And of course, no one is going to suggest that THEY get the credit for saving a life, if the life is saved, right? I mean, they'd seem pretty petty if that is all they were in it for.

But we leaders often fall into the trap of pride, and of wanting to get the credit. You think of a great idea and dang it, you want everyone to know that it's YOUR idea, that YOU, creative, smart, wonderful YOU, came up with this fantastic idea. But what does that really matter? Who CARES who came up with the idea, as long as it works?

Leaders, I challenge you to "rethink" how you calculate your "credit score." Do you give yourself points for your innovative ideas? Do you fill with pride every time you see your project being highlighted on the organization's webpage? Well, knock it off.

Instead, start counting your credit score by the people you serve. See the benefits of people-investment. Focus your energies on how your great idea can make a difference in the world, and lose hold of the notion that because it was "your idea" you somehow own the process and actions of those who utilize it.

Think of what the world would be like if we all stopped working for credit and just simply started working for the greater good. What could we accomplish if we stopped focusing on the "who did what" scores and started focusing on the "what got done" scores instead.

That's the world I want to live in. Don't you?

Lemme tell you about a guy I know...

A few months ago, I got an email out of nowhere, from Reese Butler, the founder and CEO of Kristin Brooks Hope Center. He was looking for someone for his Board who would champion a cause that was especially dear to his heart, the 1-800-PPD-MOMS suicide hotline.

Now, I have to admit, I had to do a little googling to learn more about KBHC and when I did, I saw the potential for a wonderful partnership between KBHC and The Mommies Network. I set up a time to talk with Reese on the phone and there began a new journey in my life.

I really admire people who can see a problem in our world and work to fix it. Those are the innovators, the visionaries of our time, and whenever I have the chance to spend time with someone like that, I feel my own excitement growing and am encouraged that anything we put our mind to, we can accomplish.

Even more so, I admire those who are intimately affected by the problem they see in the world and still strive with passion to resolve it. That's a special kind of person.

Reese Butler lost his wife to suicide due to postpartum psychosis. His world crumbled that day and everything that was truth suddenly didn't make sense.

He immediately channeled his grief and devastation into a passion to ensure that no other mother would ever feel like Kristin did, that no other mother would feel that taking her life was the only option. He developed Kristin Brooks Hope Center in her honor and has worked tirelessly for the last decade to provide resources for those struggling with mental illness and to eradicate suicide in our world.

I have spent a good bit of time talking to you about servant leadership and the characteristics of a person who leads by serving those around him. But nowhere could I find a better example of a person who puts those characteristics into action every day than Reese Butler. His passion for helping others is tangible. His empathy toward those who are suffering is overwhelming. He believes wholeheartedly that, working together, we can bring an end to this preventable manner of death -- and he inspires so many others to join the crusade with his passionate example.

A good leader inspires those around him to succeed and to believe in themselves. He paves the pathway, forging forward, and ensures that no one gets left behind on the crusade.

This weekend, after months of phone calls and emails, I finally met Reese in person. It was like seeing an old friend and I knew I had found a kindred spirit. The world is a better place because of people like Reese -- imagine if all of us started serving our teams the way Reese does. We truly can change the world, if we are all working together and looking out for each other.

Put your servant leadership skills into action today! Make a difference!

So... can you give me a minute?

Hi everyone.

I know that we are sort of in the middle of a series on Servant Leadership. But I'd like to take this week to pause from our "regularly scheduled" programming to share with you an experience I had this weekend, and to give you all a great example of what servant leadership in action looks like.

In addition to my duties at TMN, I am also on the Board of Directors for the Kristin Brooks Hope Center, a suicide prevention organization. I was asked to be on the board to champion the 1-800-PPD-MOMS project, which is now a joint collaboration between KBHC and TMN.

Last weekend, KBHC participated in the 8th Annual World Suicide Prevention Day and Global Night for Hope in Washington DC, on the lawn of the Capitol Building.

I have to say that it was amazing to be around so many people who truly exhibit all of the characteristics of a servant leader. The focus of our weekend training was on active listening, being empathetic toward those we were helping and having the awareness to know when someone needs more (and also the awareness to know when WE need a good recharge too). Sound familiar?

So this week, I'd like to share some of my experiences and tell you about some of the amazing people that I met this week who are servant leaders in action. Its my hope that you will see how these people are MAKING THINGS HAPPEN and changing the world, all because they are willing to put the needs of those around them as a priority and care for their fellow man.

I want to leave you today with something a bit off topic, but something very important none-the-less. I couldn't mention my weekend without telling you about the stories that I heard from parents who have lost their children to suicide, most often because they were not provided with the resources and support they need to successfully battle the depression and PTSD they were dealing with. People slip through the cracks every single day. That's why it is SO important for us to pay attention to those around us, to care for them, to listen to them and to be there for them -- our employees, our friends, our teammates -- because you truly never know when that ONE thing that you do, that ONE moment you give to another person, may be just the thing they need to keep going another day and fighting their battle.

Kevin Lucey lost his son to suicide. Please, I know its hard to listen to. I know it will make you cry to watch this. But please take the three minutes and hear his story... and pass it along. Joining together, caring together, we CAN keep people like Jeffrey from falling through the cracks. We can make a difference.

My head is going to explode!

So I realize in the past few weeks, I’ve been asking a lot of you! Stop. Listen. Feel. Think. Assess. Reflect.

Is your head going to explode yet?

A good leader has a lot going on. You care about your employees and their lives and that means that when something happens that affects them, it affects you as well. That can get a little overwhelming, all that emotional stimuli and drama!

It’s important to balance. Know who you are. Know that you are separate from the people, issues and situations that are occurring all around you.

Care about your employees, but establish boundaries. You decide what the rocks are and put them in first and you fill in the spaces with the sand. You give, but you ensure that you take care of yourself too.

Remain confidant in who you are, despite others who may disagree. It’s hard to be yourself when those around you think you’re the bad guy, but don’t let the emotions of others sway you from doing what you feel is the right thing to do.

It is a fine balance. It takes practice. But the more you put into it, the more you make yourself aware of your actions and how they affect others and how others’ actions affect you, the more successful you will be, in not only your professional relationships, but your personal ones as well. And isn’t that a good reason for the effort?

Are you Clueless?

When I was fresh out of college and ready to take over the world, I instead landed a temp job at an insurance agency, where I was heralded for my typing speed and the fact that I knew how to use Microsoft Word. Yay! for college degrees!

The job paid much better than the nothing I had been making, so despite being a job in an insurance agency (no offense insurance people – I went on to work in insurance for almost five years and I know you guys are pretty freaking fun!), I began working at the small agency, under the employ of quite possibly the worst boss in the entire universe.

I have to tell you, she has an entire FILE CABINET in my brain (go back a week or so to get that reference), all of exactly what not to do if I ever was in the position to manage people.

She was brutal. She and her husband owned the agency, but she was always reminding anyone who would listen that she owned the majority share, and thus, she was in charge of everything.

I can’t tell you how many times I worked late or came in on a Saturday to work on a proposal for her, only to hear her gushing to her client how much work she had done for him. The small staff in her office was miserable – everyone worked hard and rarely did we ever receive any recognition for it. The two employees who had managed to stay with “The Dragon Lady” longer than a year had morphed into her, taking out their frustration at her control by controlling those below them.

The thing is, The Dragon Lady prided herself in her leadership skills and went to countless leadership seminars and retreats. She loved to lecture us on how to become a great leader like herself and imagine how much we enjoyed the irony of those conversations!

So what’s the deal? Why was the Dragon Lady so clueless? I mean, she had been to all the classes. She knew all the best practices. So why was she such a horrible boss?

She lacked the self-awareness to realize that she needed the lessons that she was being taught! She did not perceive there was a problem to solve, because to her, there was no problem.

Of course, if you have a boss like her, I’m afraid there’s not much you can do other than buck up or leave… its not like you can say “Hey boss, quit being clueless!” and expect to keep your job.

And of course, you have already been on your self-awareness journey earlier this week, so you are well on your way to assessing your weaknesses and accepting where you need to improve, right?

But let’s look at your employees, your team, your staff. What does this say about all the leadership training that companies are constantly touting? Not a day goes by that I don’t receive at least one solicitation from a leadership seminar, webinar, book or blog. But what good is all this training going to do, if our employees don’t first understand themselves, their own strengths and weaknesses, their own reactions to responses and situations?

Before we begin any leadership training, I believe we first need to institute some self-awareness training. Helping our employees understand themselves will help them better work together.

As a leader, it is our responsibility to teach those we lead to be good leaders. What better way can we do that than by teaching them first to know themselves?

What about everyone else?

Don’t think you’re done with the “you” stuff. That’s a life-long work-in-progress! But in the interest of time, let’s move on, shall we?

Self-awareness is important to a good leader. Now its time to take those same skills you learned while learning about yourself and apply them toward learning about others and the world around you.

Simply put. You gotta know what’s going on, man!

How many of you know of a manager who only leaves his office to bark orders at the employees, before retreating back to his ivory tower? Who wants to work for THAT guy?

A good leader needs to get up and take a walk around the office. Not just once. Regularly. Check in with the staff. Touch base. Connect. Not only are you able to get a feel for what’s going on behind the scenes, but you also show your team you’re available to them.

“But I’m so BUSY!” you say. Yeah, I know. Me too. I have a million projects that I am trying to juggle and wish I had about ten more hours in the day to get everything done. I get it.

I have to tell you though – making time to do this is worth it. In order to be a good leader, to make good decisions, to lead your organization to greater places, you have to be willing to stop and listen. Take a moment to observe what’s going on around you. Build time into your day for listening, for observation and for reflection. These activities are just as important as conference calls and budget meetings (and might actually improve them!)

So how do you find some time in your day for all this reflection mumbo-jumbo? A crucial skill for a leader is the ability to differentiate between the urgent and important and prioritize appropriately.

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full?

They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed it was. The students laughed.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

"Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognise that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else, the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

So, I share one of my favorite stories (mad bonus points for anyone who comments with that story’s origins!) to point out that just because there is a LOT of something, doesn’t necessarily mean that it is the most important thing, or that it should have the highest priority in your life.

Every day, we are presented with buckets and buckets of sand – “urgent” problems that need to be resolved, fires that need to be put out, surprise meetings, extra-long phone calls that put our entire day behind… the list goes on and on.

Sometimes, sure, the sand really does have to take priority. I mean, there’s an exception to everything! But, if you’re really honest, even the most “urgent” issues can be put aside for something that’s important. It’s up to you to learn how to prioritize… or in the case of the professor, learn to put the rocks in the jar before you put in the sand!

I challenge you to begin to build time into your day to increase your “other-awarness” by getting out of the office, taking the time to listen to your staff, and reflecting on what you learn. Make increasing your awareness a “rock” priority today!

Know Thyself - Part Deux (I didn't say it'd be easy!)

If you are following this blog (or just now stumbling across it), I have to assume that you have some interest in improving your leadership skills or, at the least, your self-awareness. Yesterday, we began that process with some questions to aid us in gaining a better understanding of who we are, what types of things we react to and why.

It’s never easy to take a hard look at yourself and be honest in your assessment. We all want to think that we are pretty good people, overall, that we are smart and friendly and caring and well liked. It’s not fun to admit our weaknesses, to acknowledge our flaws and to unearth our vulnerabilities.

But if we don’t know what makes us tick – if we don’t know who we really are – how can we possibly know how to interact with other people in the most positive way possible? How can we hope to be good, empathetic leaders, if we are incapable of understanding ourselves?

In his article of the same name, author Michael McKinney provides the “12 Keys to Greater Self-Awareness” as follows:

"Here are twelve keys to greater self-awareness:

1. Stop blaming others for your choices. It’s you.
2. Take a personality assessment to help you gain some perspective.
3. Get feedback from as many significant people in your life as you can. This can be uncomfortable for both you and them, but it is the fastest method for gaining a better picture of yourself. (Make them feel safe. It's a big, unknown risk for them!)
4. Get a coach or mentor. They don't have to know more than you. They just have to see you in action and help you to be a better you. You're not as hard to figure out (complicated) as you would like to think.
5. Understand that your biggest irritations look a lot like you.
6. Look beneath your behavior to reveal your assumptions and filters. They dictate how you see yourself and others and impact how you relate to them.
7. Look at your roadblocks. Learn to separate facts from your interpretations of them.
8. Analyze your interactions. A lot of negative interactions signal a selfish approach to life.
9. Reflect daily on your behavior. Ask questions like: How do I handle difficulties? What do I think or do when I don’t get my own way? How adaptive am I? Can I control my emotions? Do I tend to say what I’m thinking when I’m thinking it? Do I judge other people and create conflict? How do others relate to me?
10. Organize your thoughts in a journal. It is one of the best ways to capture what is going on around you and inside you. Make a note of the causal remarks people make about you.
11. Read books and go to seminars that help you rethink your assumptions and address your problem areas and blind spots.
12. Be careful what you say. Words mean a lot. Your language reflects your thinking and attitudes."

I didn’t say this journey would be easy. In fact, sometimes, it’s downright hard. I don’t like admitting when I’m wrong or when I’ve handled something badly.

But… the benefits outweigh the pain, I promise. Being brutally honest with yourself, truly getting to know who you are, will only benefit your relationships with others. And that doesn’t just mean your working relationships – good self-awareness will lead to more positive relationships in every area of your life. It’s worth the pain of self-discovery. I promise! Just give it a go and see for yourself!

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.

- Leo Tolstoy

When you are looking in the mirror, you are looking at the problem. But, remember, you are also looking at the solution.

- Unknown

As long as you think you're green, you'll grow. As soon as you think you're ripe, you'll rot.

- Scott Horton

Know Thyself!

This week’s topic is the fourth characteristic of a servant leader: awareness.

In Wikipedia’s entry on Servant Leadership, it states:

A servant leader needs to gain general awareness and especially self-awareness. He has the ability to view situations from a more integrated, holistic position. As a result, he gets a better understanding about ethics and values.

So today, let’s start with ourselves. In order to be aware of what is around you, you first must become aware of yourself! Self-awareness is crucial to a good leader, because how can we properly lead and understand others if we are unable to properly lead and understand ourselves?

So for today, I want you to spend a little time thinking about yourself. Go ahead. It’s okay! Get out a notebook and consider these concepts and questions:

1. Write a paragraph describing yourself. Now write a paragraph describing yourself from a co-worker or friend’s point of view. How are these two descriptions different?
2. Make a list of the things, ideas and people who motivate you. Why do they motivate you?
3. List your strengths and weaknesses. Be brutally honest.
4. Imagine a situation where you are disagreeing with a friend. How do you react in that situation? How does it make you feel? Why do you think you feel that way?
5. Think of a situation where you feel most at ease. Why are you most comfortable in this situation? What characteristics of the situation make you feel that way?
6. What is your greatest fear? Why does it scare you?
7. What is your life dream? What are you doing to achieve it?

After you answer these questions, spend some time reflecting on your answers. Look beyond the “what” to the “why” and “how” of your answers.

A little time spent understanding yourself can go a long way, not just in how you lead, but in all of your interactions with others.

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.

- Tao Te Ching

We are the only beings on the planet who lead such rich internal lives that it's not the events that matter most to us, but rather, it's how we interpret those events that will determine how we think about ourselves and how we will act in the future.

- Anthony Robbins

The journey of true success and lasting leaderships begins with the inward journey to the soul.

- James Arthur Ray

As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world ... as in being able to remake ourselves.

- Mahatma Gandhi

Heal Thyself!

Next week, we will be exploring the characteristic of awareness.

In the meantime, take this weekend to spend some time healing yourself. Take a nice walk. Eat a nice meal. Relax with your family and friends. A whole, healthy leader is a good leader. You can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself!

Happy weekend everyone!

Some real-life examples of Healing Leaders

Some real-life examples of Healing Leaders

Today, I encourage you to check out the following articles. As you read about these leaders, think about the characteristics we have discussed and how they demonstrate these characteristics.

A Healing Leader for AP

A True Leader Shines in Times of Crisis