Steve Jobs on Leadership

So, its been a busy week. My apologies for not being around.. sometimes it happens!

Next week, we'll continue talking about servant leadership and soon be finishing the "ten week series" (just spread out a little longer than that!) on this leadership style.

For now, as a Friday treat, I want to share with you a video that a friend of mine shared with me yesterday. As I watched this, I literally caught my breath... what a wonderful, wonderful example of what GREAT things a company can accomplish when we pay attention to our employees, when we encourage them to be brilliant and successful, and when we trust them to do their job and know their stuff!

The video is less than three minutes long and truly -- its kind of life changing, folks. So take a five minute break from the last bit of your Friday workday and get some inspiration from the legendary Steve Jobs! May he rest in peace!

What exactly is stewardship again?

I mentioned in my post Monday that stewardship is the idea that you are caring for something in trust for someone else. A good steward sees whatever he has as for the good of everyone and so carefully manages it to ensure that it benefits the majority, sometimes even to the detriment of his own self-interests.

Servant Leaders tend to practice good stewardship when it comes to how they lead and run their organization. They do not make decisions solely for their own benefit, but rather for the benefit of everyone.

No where is this more important than in a nonprofit organization, where the leaders literally are stewards of the organizations assets and charged with the duty to use and distribute them to benefit those who receive the services of the organization.

However, this is also an essential leadership quality in a for-profit company, as any leader should know that his success is largely due to the success of his team... and if he makes choices that do not benefit his team, he will lose their trust and loyalty.

How do you view your organization, division or team? Do you see it as a vehicle for your own success, or as a vehicle for the success of all who work there and who benefit from the products and services of your company? Have you made choices that predominately benefit yourself and cut benefits from your team? Where can you improve in your organization to make it more of a benefit to your staff and to those you serve?

Ancient Perspective

This week, we are going to talk a little about stewardship. Stewardship is the idea that you are caring for something in trust for someone else... servant leaders view their organizations in this way -- as a something for the all rather than just a something for themselves.

Before we dive deep into the concept of stewardship, I thought it might be good to get a little perspective from some oldtimers. While Robert Greenleaf coined the term "servant leadership" in 1970, its been something that's been happening throughout history, and most often with positive effects. Many noted philosophers in history have encouraged the concept of servant leadership to those they teach:

This is taken from the 4th century B.C. Indian work Arthashastra by Chanakya, which details the charactistics and requirements for a Rajarshi - a good and virtuous king: "In the happiness of his subjects lies the king's happiness, in their welfare his welfare. He shall not consider as good only that which pleases him but treat as beneficial to him whatever pleases his subjects"

Lao Tzu, in the sixth century B.C Tao Te Ching, gives the following advice: "A leader is best when he is neither seen nor heard, Not so good when he is adored and glorified, Worst when he is hated and despised. "Fail to honor people, they will fail to honor you." But of a good leader, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, The people will say, "We did this ourselves."

Plato states in Republic: "No one in any other kind of authority either, in his capacity as ruler, considers or enjoins his own advantage, but the advantage of his subject, the person for whom he practices his expertise. Everything he says and everything he does is said and done with this aim in mind and with regard to what is advantageous to and appropriate for this person."


Christ says to his disciples: "If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all." (Mark 9:35-36 NKJV)

US President Calvin Coolidge stated: "No enterprise can exist for itself alone. It ministers to some great need, it performs some great service, not for itself, but for others; or failing therein it ceases to be profitable and ceases to exist."

Martin Luther King, Jr. stated: "Everybody can be great, because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love."

Throughout history, great leaders have been imploring us to lead by service. They were great leaders for a reason - they practiced what they preached! Take a dose of their ancient perspective and try it out for yourself!

Using the past to plan the future

I said earlier that in order to develop good foresight, you also have to develop other key servant leadership characteristics, specifically empathy, listening and awareness. These three characteristics help you to assess what has happened in the past and what is happening in the present, so you can accurately predict what will happen in the future.

Listening. Listen to your employees. Listen to what they like and don't like. Why did the project last year fail? Because the team didn't feel motivated to be successful. Listening to your team and their thoughts helps you predict how they will react to the next goal. Whether that potential reaction is negative or positive doesn't necessarily matter here -- the point is knowing the reaction, so that you can work toward making it positive by addressing concerns ahead of time.

Empathy. If you know how your employees feel, then you will better plan for their success. If you understand their needs, their desires and their goals, both within and outside of the office, you are better equipped to put together a plan that incorporates those needs, encourages their successes and helps them reach their goals while helping you reach yours. When your employees see the benefits they can reap from reaching the goal, they are more motivated to reach it with you.

Awareness. Understanding your own strengths and weaknesses is important, as is understanding what your team is capable of doing and what tasks will require outside resources. If you fail to acknowledge a gap in your skill level, you will run into problems reaching your goal. Accurately seeing yourself and your company for what it is, capitalizing on the strengths and shoring up the weaknesses, will make reaching your goal far more feasible.

Prepare yourself with these three skills. Learn to gauge the road ahead and prepare for the potential roadblocks. The more prepared you are, the more successful you will be.

Hindsight is 20/20

You’ve heard people say this before, right? When you realize what could have been done to change a negative outcome AFTER the negative outcome has already occurred. Basically, its easy to know what would have worked after you know what didn’t!

Anyone can see 20/20 in hindsight. It takes skill to have 20/20 foresight. Some leaders have this skill naturally, but many develop it over years of working in their business, and learning from the mistakes and successes of the past.

Imagine if you could see the future and know every potential roadblock and problem that lies ahead, so you could actively work to resolve it, perhaps even before it ever became an issue.

The reality is that you can do that! Maybe not in the magical, omnipotent sort of sense, but certainly, with practice, you can become adept at identifying the potential hazards and roadblocks in your journey ahead and accommodate for them in your initial plan, so as not to let them hang you up when they inevitably arrive in front of you.

This is the nuts and bolts of the “paving the path” we talked about last week – having a keen foresight will allow you to avoid potential problems and smooth the way toward your goal.

How do you develop this? Well, as I mentioned last week, these characteristics don’t exist in a vacuum – they depend on each other. The key to developing foresight is to develop the other servant leadership characteristics, specifically empathy, listening and awareness. We’ll talk more about how those characteristics work together to help you develop fantastic foresight in the coming days.

From Concept to Reality

Its great to have a concept, but the real skill is the ability to actualize it and make it a reality. How do you do that?

First, you need to understand that your concept is a goal -- it is the point you would like to reach. Its unlikely that this is something that is a step or two away, so you need to see it as a destination in the distance and your implementation strategy is the path you build to get there.

Yesterday we talked about how imperative it is to be aware of who you are now, in order to begin to see how you can become who you want to be. Here is where this characteristic of self-awareness is key: you must know from where you are starting in order to plan how to reach your destination (your goal). You have to be brutally honest here -- inflating who you are is only going to cause pitfalls in the path ahead.

Once you know where you are (self-assessment) and where you want to go (concept/goal), design the best path to get there. Just as you would look at a roadmap and consider all the factors of travel when planning a trip (distance, time, ease of travel, traffic congestion, etc), so you must consider every factor as you plan your roadmap to your goal. Who do you need to help you make this a reality? What resources do you already have available? What resources are available outside of your organization that might assist you or make your pathway more solid and secure? What combination of resources will produce the best end result?

Finally, but certainly most important, prepare your team for the road ahead. Help them see the goal as clearly as you do, and understand how it will collectively benefit the organization. Show them the clear pathway to the goal and encourage them to come along with you. Give them a clear understanding of the benefits of reaching the goal and a clear pathway to reach the goal, and they will come along with you on the journey and help you attain the goal.

See the destination. Clear the path. Show the way. Help everyone reach the destination.

It can't be any easier, folks. Try it!

Keys to Conceptualization

The thing about servant leadership is that you can't really talk about one characteristic of this leadership style without somehow incorporating at least one or two more. The great thing is how all of these characteristics work together to create a successful team environment.

Such is true with the idea of conceptualization. In order to be successful at conceptualizing, you need to be skilled in other areas, such as awareness, listening and empathy.

In order to conceptualize where you want to be and how to get there, you first need to truly understand where you are and who you are as an organization. Lack of awareness will lead to lack of conceptualization. You must know first what you have and what you need before you can determine how to get it.

Once you know where you are, its important to listen. Listen to what your employees are saying about your company and learn where they feel you need to grow and improve. Listen to the outside world and find out what is out there that you can utilize to become more successful. The more you listen and keep an open mind about the information you hear, the more you will have to work with as you build your vision of the future.

Finally, empathize. Remember that your staff is your vehicle to any change, to any improvement, to any success, and without them, you are certain to fail. Keep their concerns in mind, as they are the implementers and you need their support. If you aren't concerned about what effects your team, how can you expect them to be concerned about your vision for the future?

In order to form a concept of what you can be, you must first know who you are, know what resources you have and know what resources you can obtain outside of your organization. To ensure the success of your concept, you must ensure your team is supported and feels that you value their input and concerns, so that they will come along with you and help you make your vision a success.

What is your vision for the future in your leadership role? Have you developed a concept? How will you turn it into a reality? A great leader knows the way is through caring for their team and getting them on board. Conceptualization, while key to a servant leader, is only successful when one is mindful of all the other servant leadership characteristics and is utilizing them appropriately.

Step outside the box -- its a big world out there!

This week, we’re going to talk a little bit about the sixth characteristic of a servant leadership, conceptualization.

Wikipedia states the following on its Servant Leadership entry:

A servant leader thinks beyond day-to-day realities. That means he has the ability to see beyond the limits of the operating business and also focuses on long term operating goals. A Leader constructs a personal vision that only he can develop by reflecting on the meaning of life. As a result, he derives specific goals and implementation strategies.

What does this mean?

It means a servant leader thinks “outside the box.” Heck, some servant leaders don’t even hang out in the box – they live outside it!

A good leader is able to look at a problem or issue within his company or team and see beyond the current solutions to what solutions might be available beyond their normal scope.

For example, a start-up company is struggling with its marketing needs, having only one person to handle the entire department. A long list of major start-up projects puts the timeline further and further out for completion.

A stagnant leader might see only what is in front of him, the funding to pay only one person, who is unable to complete the project in the timeline needed. He might not see how the project can be completed at all. He might demand more of his one employee, causing him to be resentful and bitter. As a result, the project may not ever be completed and, as a startup, the entire company may eventually fail.

A great leader will look beyond what he currently has. Instead of saying “Oh, we can’t do that” when presented with an idea or a solution, he says “How can we do that?” He looks beyond what lies right in front of him and takes off the blinders. He opens himself up to new ideas, new concepts, new solutions, and as a result, finds better success, because he doesn’t focus on the limitations, but rather the possibilities.

Ask yourself today – are you someone who focuses on the limitations you have? Or do you look beyond those limitations and see the possibilities of what you can accomplish? I encourage everyone today to take a step outside the box – the air is fresh and the ideas are new and ever-improving. You’ll never know what great things lie ahead if you aren’t willing to go looking for them!

Thou Shall Not Manipulate!

Every good thing has a bad side, right? And the bad side of persuasion is manipulation. A good leader persuades his team to get on board, helps them see the benefits of working together and outlines the positive future of the project or idea. A bad leader goes one step further and manipulates his team to get what he wants. Know the difference.

Let's look to politics to see an example of this that everyone can understand.

Imagine a political candidate. He wants to get that position -- he wants you to like him! He makes lots of promises to you, the voters, so that you will support him and his agenda and vote him into office. Once there, faced with the limitations of the position and the politics surrounding it, he isn't able to make good on all of those promises. Voters are discouraged, but he got what he wanted, so who cares, right?

How many of you have been one of those voters, completely disenchanted with the lack of follow-through with your elected leaders?

So don't be that way with your employees!

Don't make a promise you can't keep. If you have to promise your employees something that you can't keep in order to get them to buy into your idea or project, perhaps you should reconsider the potential success of your project.

Don't ask your employees to do something you aren't willing to do yourself. The best way to persuade your team to get behind your idea is to get in, on the ground floor, and be willing to do the grunt work yourself. If they see that you are willing to get your hands dirty to make the project successful, they will be more willing to do so as well.

Do share the long-term benefits with your team, not just at the beginning when you are trying to get their support, but throughout the project. Help your team keep their eyes on the prize and share your hope and passion with them, as hope and passion are infectious!

Do LISTEN. If you are the great leader that I know you are, then you have surrounded yourself with a great team, filled with intelligent, insightful people. Listen to their feedback. Don't assume that your idea is perfect, that your project is flawless. Most likely there is room for improvement. Valuing your team's input and listening to and addressing their concerns will help them feel more comfortable with the project's future success, and more willing to work hard toward making the project successful. Willingness to listen and implement your team's insight into your plan is crucial to getting their support and buy in -- the quickest way to a failure is assuming that you have all the answers.

Getting your team behind you is not hard if you are putting your team first. A great leader ignites passion in his team and accomplishes great things because he relies on the joint efforts of many to bring the idea to fruition. His team knows he cares for them and they, in turn, care for what the leader cares for and work to make it a success.

Be careful to avoid crossing the line and using your power as a leader to manipulate and deceive to accomplish your goals. You will find yourself at the end of the line, with no team behind you. Great teams support great leaders. Don't let the power go to your head and cross that line -- for what is a leader if he has no one following him?

Let's make this easy for you...

A Philosophy Lesson

So I could give you a big long post about what persuasion is, but in my research, I found this great video...and, well, rather than reinvent the wheel, I have decided to share the video with you here. Please check it out. The art of persuasion is a key strength in a great leader. A project is always more successful when the entire team is passionately supporting it and a successful leader is able to encourage that kind of passionate support from his team.

But first, a philosophy lesson... Aristotle taught us about the art of persuasion and identified three appeals necessary to successful persuasive speech. Check it out below... and come back tomorrow to see how we apply this to our servant leadership style.

What can I say about Jenny?

When I sat down to try to think of just one word that would describe my friend and co-worker, Jenny Sowry, it was impossible.

She's so many things. A great mom to a really cool kid. A supportive wife to a really nice guy. A really good friend, not only to me, but to many, many other people. And that's just the beginning.

She's also the Senior Manager for the Editorial Department at The Mommies Network and perhaps one of the greatest servant leaders I have ever had the opportunity to work with.

I met Jenny just over a year ago. She lives near me and had been involved in leadership on her chapter, as well as volunteering at a national level with The Mommies Network, but we didn't cross paths until she volunteered to help me with a video project and attended our leadership retreat to take video footage of our volunteers. Within minutes of meeting her, I knew I had found a kindred spirit and we chatted with each other as though we were old friends.

As my role at TMN shifted and I began to develop an Editorial Department to house and manage our various online publications, I knew that I wanted Jenny on my team. Her dedication to our mission was evident in all that she did and I knew that great things were going to happen if Jenny was involved!

Jenny takes her job very seriously and she is tremendously talented. Her expertise is bar none and not only does she regularly bring great ideas to the table, but she follows through and brings them to fruition, constantly improving the department and the quality of our content and graphics.

But what Jenny does best, and why she is quite possibly the most beloved member of the Editorial Department (which has grown under her leadership to quite a big group!), is care for the people she works with and helps each of them to achieve their own success in their role. Her volunteers know she is dedicated. They see that she won't ask them to do anything she isn't willing to dive into the trenches and do along with them. She stays up until the wee hours of the morning scheduling blog posts for chapters where their leadership is stretched thin and need extra help. She rearranges her day to be there when one of her team members needs her time or attention. She regularly lets her team know how much she appreciates them and values the work that they do. She empowers them to do great things and steps back and lets them shine.

I always say that my number one job every day is to make sure Jenny is taken care of and supported. Its a pleasure and a honor to have that as my priority, because I couldn't ask for a more amazing person to work with every day. She takes care of so many people, she gives so much of herself to her team and to The Mommies Network, it seems only fair that she should get my first attention!

And don't just take my word for it -- just hear what some of her team had to say:

Jenny has got to be one of the hardest working moms I know and she doesn't get paid a dime. She's an amazing boss who will always give credit to her team before taking any for herself. It seems effortless for her to show so much appreciation and love for the mommies that work for her. She just fabulous!

--Kristin Swaim, TMN Graphics Manager

Though I've been a member of The Mommies Network for three years, I'd never been a manager, even at the chapter level, before taking on my role as National Blog Manager. Despite how busy things were (and always seem to be!), Jenny not only made me feel right at home within TMN's expansive staff, but boosted my confidence and encouraged me to take on my job with pride. This was no easy feat - I felt inexperienced and insecure about taking charge as a newbie, not wanting to step on any toes among such talented women. But it was Jenny's light-hearted, friendly and overly welcoming word choices and emoticons (oh, the technological world we live in!) that pushed me from sitting on the sidelines to jumping in and taking charge as if each proposed project was my own. Every step of the way, she's been host to endless questions and suggestions, and she always answers them with poise - even if she doesn't agree with you. She does her best to be professional and courteous in the most frustrating of circumstances, and still knows how to have a goofy, down-to-earth, good time. She created a great sense of respect and camaraderie within the Blog Transition Team - creating friendships across the country among women who wouldn't have had the opportunity to get to know each other without this fun, supportive group. In other words, she is the very essence of The Mommies Network, infusing everything she touches with our mission statement. We love you Jenny! - The Lickster ;)

--Jennifer Rychlicki, TMN National Blog Manager

So, if you are a part of TMN and want a great example of a servant leader, look no further than our wonderful Jenny Sowry. We're so lucky to have her as a part of our organization and I'm grateful that I can call her my friend!

What is your Credit Score?

One of the things I noticed this past weekend, as I spent time with so many great visionary leaders and people passionate for the cause of ending suicide, is that none of these people seem the least bit interested in their own personal credit score.

What do I mean by that?

So often, in the workshops, in the meetings, in the casual conversations that were had in corridors and even the bar after hours, the word credit came up. But not in the way you might imagine. These people weren't talking about getting credit. They were talking about how it doesn't really matter.

Their goal, their singular goal, is to help those who need it get the resources they need. They want to ensure that each person is taken care of, so that the option of suicide does not become the only option for them. But they really don't care HOW this happens, just as long as it happens.

Organizations from across the country banded together last weekend to raise awareness for the lack of resources for our veterans and to urge everyone to work together to create a support plan for these individuals that has no gaps for them to fall into, no places for them to get lost in the system. They weren't concerned about who was the organization that "saved the life" -- they were just concerned that the life got saved.

Now I know, suicide -- I mean... its a pretty huge thing, right? And of course, no one is going to suggest that THEY get the credit for saving a life, if the life is saved, right? I mean, they'd seem pretty petty if that is all they were in it for.

But we leaders often fall into the trap of pride, and of wanting to get the credit. You think of a great idea and dang it, you want everyone to know that it's YOUR idea, that YOU, creative, smart, wonderful YOU, came up with this fantastic idea. But what does that really matter? Who CARES who came up with the idea, as long as it works?

Leaders, I challenge you to "rethink" how you calculate your "credit score." Do you give yourself points for your innovative ideas? Do you fill with pride every time you see your project being highlighted on the organization's webpage? Well, knock it off.

Instead, start counting your credit score by the people you serve. See the benefits of people-investment. Focus your energies on how your great idea can make a difference in the world, and lose hold of the notion that because it was "your idea" you somehow own the process and actions of those who utilize it.

Think of what the world would be like if we all stopped working for credit and just simply started working for the greater good. What could we accomplish if we stopped focusing on the "who did what" scores and started focusing on the "what got done" scores instead.

That's the world I want to live in. Don't you?

Lemme tell you about a guy I know...

A few months ago, I got an email out of nowhere, from Reese Butler, the founder and CEO of Kristin Brooks Hope Center. He was looking for someone for his Board who would champion a cause that was especially dear to his heart, the 1-800-PPD-MOMS suicide hotline.

Now, I have to admit, I had to do a little googling to learn more about KBHC and when I did, I saw the potential for a wonderful partnership between KBHC and The Mommies Network. I set up a time to talk with Reese on the phone and there began a new journey in my life.

I really admire people who can see a problem in our world and work to fix it. Those are the innovators, the visionaries of our time, and whenever I have the chance to spend time with someone like that, I feel my own excitement growing and am encouraged that anything we put our mind to, we can accomplish.

Even more so, I admire those who are intimately affected by the problem they see in the world and still strive with passion to resolve it. That's a special kind of person.

Reese Butler lost his wife to suicide due to postpartum psychosis. His world crumbled that day and everything that was truth suddenly didn't make sense.

He immediately channeled his grief and devastation into a passion to ensure that no other mother would ever feel like Kristin did, that no other mother would feel that taking her life was the only option. He developed Kristin Brooks Hope Center in her honor and has worked tirelessly for the last decade to provide resources for those struggling with mental illness and to eradicate suicide in our world.

I have spent a good bit of time talking to you about servant leadership and the characteristics of a person who leads by serving those around him. But nowhere could I find a better example of a person who puts those characteristics into action every day than Reese Butler. His passion for helping others is tangible. His empathy toward those who are suffering is overwhelming. He believes wholeheartedly that, working together, we can bring an end to this preventable manner of death -- and he inspires so many others to join the crusade with his passionate example.

A good leader inspires those around him to succeed and to believe in themselves. He paves the pathway, forging forward, and ensures that no one gets left behind on the crusade.

This weekend, after months of phone calls and emails, I finally met Reese in person. It was like seeing an old friend and I knew I had found a kindred spirit. The world is a better place because of people like Reese -- imagine if all of us started serving our teams the way Reese does. We truly can change the world, if we are all working together and looking out for each other.

Put your servant leadership skills into action today! Make a difference!

So... can you give me a minute?

Hi everyone.

I know that we are sort of in the middle of a series on Servant Leadership. But I'd like to take this week to pause from our "regularly scheduled" programming to share with you an experience I had this weekend, and to give you all a great example of what servant leadership in action looks like.

In addition to my duties at TMN, I am also on the Board of Directors for the Kristin Brooks Hope Center, a suicide prevention organization. I was asked to be on the board to champion the 1-800-PPD-MOMS project, which is now a joint collaboration between KBHC and TMN.

Last weekend, KBHC participated in the 8th Annual World Suicide Prevention Day and Global Night for Hope in Washington DC, on the lawn of the Capitol Building.

I have to say that it was amazing to be around so many people who truly exhibit all of the characteristics of a servant leader. The focus of our weekend training was on active listening, being empathetic toward those we were helping and having the awareness to know when someone needs more (and also the awareness to know when WE need a good recharge too). Sound familiar?

So this week, I'd like to share some of my experiences and tell you about some of the amazing people that I met this week who are servant leaders in action. Its my hope that you will see how these people are MAKING THINGS HAPPEN and changing the world, all because they are willing to put the needs of those around them as a priority and care for their fellow man.

I want to leave you today with something a bit off topic, but something very important none-the-less. I couldn't mention my weekend without telling you about the stories that I heard from parents who have lost their children to suicide, most often because they were not provided with the resources and support they need to successfully battle the depression and PTSD they were dealing with. People slip through the cracks every single day. That's why it is SO important for us to pay attention to those around us, to care for them, to listen to them and to be there for them -- our employees, our friends, our teammates -- because you truly never know when that ONE thing that you do, that ONE moment you give to another person, may be just the thing they need to keep going another day and fighting their battle.

Kevin Lucey lost his son to suicide. Please, I know its hard to listen to. I know it will make you cry to watch this. But please take the three minutes and hear his story... and pass it along. Joining together, caring together, we CAN keep people like Jeffrey from falling through the cracks. We can make a difference.

My head is going to explode!

So I realize in the past few weeks, I’ve been asking a lot of you! Stop. Listen. Feel. Think. Assess. Reflect.

Is your head going to explode yet?

A good leader has a lot going on. You care about your employees and their lives and that means that when something happens that affects them, it affects you as well. That can get a little overwhelming, all that emotional stimuli and drama!

It’s important to balance. Know who you are. Know that you are separate from the people, issues and situations that are occurring all around you.

Care about your employees, but establish boundaries. You decide what the rocks are and put them in first and you fill in the spaces with the sand. You give, but you ensure that you take care of yourself too.

Remain confidant in who you are, despite others who may disagree. It’s hard to be yourself when those around you think you’re the bad guy, but don’t let the emotions of others sway you from doing what you feel is the right thing to do.

It is a fine balance. It takes practice. But the more you put into it, the more you make yourself aware of your actions and how they affect others and how others’ actions affect you, the more successful you will be, in not only your professional relationships, but your personal ones as well. And isn’t that a good reason for the effort?

Are you Clueless?

When I was fresh out of college and ready to take over the world, I instead landed a temp job at an insurance agency, where I was heralded for my typing speed and the fact that I knew how to use Microsoft Word. Yay! for college degrees!

The job paid much better than the nothing I had been making, so despite being a job in an insurance agency (no offense insurance people – I went on to work in insurance for almost five years and I know you guys are pretty freaking fun!), I began working at the small agency, under the employ of quite possibly the worst boss in the entire universe.

I have to tell you, she has an entire FILE CABINET in my brain (go back a week or so to get that reference), all of exactly what not to do if I ever was in the position to manage people.

She was brutal. She and her husband owned the agency, but she was always reminding anyone who would listen that she owned the majority share, and thus, she was in charge of everything.

I can’t tell you how many times I worked late or came in on a Saturday to work on a proposal for her, only to hear her gushing to her client how much work she had done for him. The small staff in her office was miserable – everyone worked hard and rarely did we ever receive any recognition for it. The two employees who had managed to stay with “The Dragon Lady” longer than a year had morphed into her, taking out their frustration at her control by controlling those below them.

The thing is, The Dragon Lady prided herself in her leadership skills and went to countless leadership seminars and retreats. She loved to lecture us on how to become a great leader like herself and imagine how much we enjoyed the irony of those conversations!

So what’s the deal? Why was the Dragon Lady so clueless? I mean, she had been to all the classes. She knew all the best practices. So why was she such a horrible boss?

She lacked the self-awareness to realize that she needed the lessons that she was being taught! She did not perceive there was a problem to solve, because to her, there was no problem.

Of course, if you have a boss like her, I’m afraid there’s not much you can do other than buck up or leave… its not like you can say “Hey boss, quit being clueless!” and expect to keep your job.

And of course, you have already been on your self-awareness journey earlier this week, so you are well on your way to assessing your weaknesses and accepting where you need to improve, right?

But let’s look at your employees, your team, your staff. What does this say about all the leadership training that companies are constantly touting? Not a day goes by that I don’t receive at least one solicitation from a leadership seminar, webinar, book or blog. But what good is all this training going to do, if our employees don’t first understand themselves, their own strengths and weaknesses, their own reactions to responses and situations?

Before we begin any leadership training, I believe we first need to institute some self-awareness training. Helping our employees understand themselves will help them better work together.

As a leader, it is our responsibility to teach those we lead to be good leaders. What better way can we do that than by teaching them first to know themselves?

What about everyone else?

Don’t think you’re done with the “you” stuff. That’s a life-long work-in-progress! But in the interest of time, let’s move on, shall we?

Self-awareness is important to a good leader. Now its time to take those same skills you learned while learning about yourself and apply them toward learning about others and the world around you.

Simply put. You gotta know what’s going on, man!

How many of you know of a manager who only leaves his office to bark orders at the employees, before retreating back to his ivory tower? Who wants to work for THAT guy?

A good leader needs to get up and take a walk around the office. Not just once. Regularly. Check in with the staff. Touch base. Connect. Not only are you able to get a feel for what’s going on behind the scenes, but you also show your team you’re available to them.

“But I’m so BUSY!” you say. Yeah, I know. Me too. I have a million projects that I am trying to juggle and wish I had about ten more hours in the day to get everything done. I get it.

I have to tell you though – making time to do this is worth it. In order to be a good leader, to make good decisions, to lead your organization to greater places, you have to be willing to stop and listen. Take a moment to observe what’s going on around you. Build time into your day for listening, for observation and for reflection. These activities are just as important as conference calls and budget meetings (and might actually improve them!)

So how do you find some time in your day for all this reflection mumbo-jumbo? A crucial skill for a leader is the ability to differentiate between the urgent and important and prioritize appropriately.

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full?

They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed it was. The students laughed.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

"Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognise that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else, the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

So, I share one of my favorite stories (mad bonus points for anyone who comments with that story’s origins!) to point out that just because there is a LOT of something, doesn’t necessarily mean that it is the most important thing, or that it should have the highest priority in your life.

Every day, we are presented with buckets and buckets of sand – “urgent” problems that need to be resolved, fires that need to be put out, surprise meetings, extra-long phone calls that put our entire day behind… the list goes on and on.

Sometimes, sure, the sand really does have to take priority. I mean, there’s an exception to everything! But, if you’re really honest, even the most “urgent” issues can be put aside for something that’s important. It’s up to you to learn how to prioritize… or in the case of the professor, learn to put the rocks in the jar before you put in the sand!

I challenge you to begin to build time into your day to increase your “other-awarness” by getting out of the office, taking the time to listen to your staff, and reflecting on what you learn. Make increasing your awareness a “rock” priority today!

Know Thyself - Part Deux (I didn't say it'd be easy!)

If you are following this blog (or just now stumbling across it), I have to assume that you have some interest in improving your leadership skills or, at the least, your self-awareness. Yesterday, we began that process with some questions to aid us in gaining a better understanding of who we are, what types of things we react to and why.

It’s never easy to take a hard look at yourself and be honest in your assessment. We all want to think that we are pretty good people, overall, that we are smart and friendly and caring and well liked. It’s not fun to admit our weaknesses, to acknowledge our flaws and to unearth our vulnerabilities.

But if we don’t know what makes us tick – if we don’t know who we really are – how can we possibly know how to interact with other people in the most positive way possible? How can we hope to be good, empathetic leaders, if we are incapable of understanding ourselves?

In his article of the same name, author Michael McKinney provides the “12 Keys to Greater Self-Awareness” as follows:

"Here are twelve keys to greater self-awareness:

1. Stop blaming others for your choices. It’s you.
2. Take a personality assessment to help you gain some perspective.
3. Get feedback from as many significant people in your life as you can. This can be uncomfortable for both you and them, but it is the fastest method for gaining a better picture of yourself. (Make them feel safe. It's a big, unknown risk for them!)
4. Get a coach or mentor. They don't have to know more than you. They just have to see you in action and help you to be a better you. You're not as hard to figure out (complicated) as you would like to think.
5. Understand that your biggest irritations look a lot like you.
6. Look beneath your behavior to reveal your assumptions and filters. They dictate how you see yourself and others and impact how you relate to them.
7. Look at your roadblocks. Learn to separate facts from your interpretations of them.
8. Analyze your interactions. A lot of negative interactions signal a selfish approach to life.
9. Reflect daily on your behavior. Ask questions like: How do I handle difficulties? What do I think or do when I don’t get my own way? How adaptive am I? Can I control my emotions? Do I tend to say what I’m thinking when I’m thinking it? Do I judge other people and create conflict? How do others relate to me?
10. Organize your thoughts in a journal. It is one of the best ways to capture what is going on around you and inside you. Make a note of the causal remarks people make about you.
11. Read books and go to seminars that help you rethink your assumptions and address your problem areas and blind spots.
12. Be careful what you say. Words mean a lot. Your language reflects your thinking and attitudes."

I didn’t say this journey would be easy. In fact, sometimes, it’s downright hard. I don’t like admitting when I’m wrong or when I’ve handled something badly.

But… the benefits outweigh the pain, I promise. Being brutally honest with yourself, truly getting to know who you are, will only benefit your relationships with others. And that doesn’t just mean your working relationships – good self-awareness will lead to more positive relationships in every area of your life. It’s worth the pain of self-discovery. I promise! Just give it a go and see for yourself!

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.

- Leo Tolstoy

When you are looking in the mirror, you are looking at the problem. But, remember, you are also looking at the solution.

- Unknown

As long as you think you're green, you'll grow. As soon as you think you're ripe, you'll rot.

- Scott Horton

Know Thyself!

This week’s topic is the fourth characteristic of a servant leader: awareness.

In Wikipedia’s entry on Servant Leadership, it states:

A servant leader needs to gain general awareness and especially self-awareness. He has the ability to view situations from a more integrated, holistic position. As a result, he gets a better understanding about ethics and values.

So today, let’s start with ourselves. In order to be aware of what is around you, you first must become aware of yourself! Self-awareness is crucial to a good leader, because how can we properly lead and understand others if we are unable to properly lead and understand ourselves?

So for today, I want you to spend a little time thinking about yourself. Go ahead. It’s okay! Get out a notebook and consider these concepts and questions:

1. Write a paragraph describing yourself. Now write a paragraph describing yourself from a co-worker or friend’s point of view. How are these two descriptions different?
2. Make a list of the things, ideas and people who motivate you. Why do they motivate you?
3. List your strengths and weaknesses. Be brutally honest.
4. Imagine a situation where you are disagreeing with a friend. How do you react in that situation? How does it make you feel? Why do you think you feel that way?
5. Think of a situation where you feel most at ease. Why are you most comfortable in this situation? What characteristics of the situation make you feel that way?
6. What is your greatest fear? Why does it scare you?
7. What is your life dream? What are you doing to achieve it?

After you answer these questions, spend some time reflecting on your answers. Look beyond the “what” to the “why” and “how” of your answers.

A little time spent understanding yourself can go a long way, not just in how you lead, but in all of your interactions with others.

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.

- Tao Te Ching

We are the only beings on the planet who lead such rich internal lives that it's not the events that matter most to us, but rather, it's how we interpret those events that will determine how we think about ourselves and how we will act in the future.

- Anthony Robbins

The journey of true success and lasting leaderships begins with the inward journey to the soul.

- James Arthur Ray

As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world ... as in being able to remake ourselves.

- Mahatma Gandhi

Heal Thyself!

Next week, we will be exploring the characteristic of awareness.

In the meantime, take this weekend to spend some time healing yourself. Take a nice walk. Eat a nice meal. Relax with your family and friends. A whole, healthy leader is a good leader. You can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself!

Happy weekend everyone!

Some real-life examples of Healing Leaders

Some real-life examples of Healing Leaders

Today, I encourage you to check out the following articles. As you read about these leaders, think about the characteristics we have discussed and how they demonstrate these characteristics.

A Healing Leader for AP

A True Leader Shines in Times of Crisis

Some Practical Examples

Melanie is the Executive Director for ABC Organization, Inc. Her company employs twenty people, who work on a variety of web development projects for nonprofit organizations.

ABC Organization is very busy and the team has been working overtime to try to keep up with the workload. Melanie noticed that several of her employees have called in sick in the past two weeks and two were regularly visiting the chiropractor.

Melanie examined the work area of her employees and found that some of the spaces were not ergonomically correct, which was causing back and neck strain for her employees. She replaced several chairs and had each workstation inspected to ensure it was ergonomically correct.

Melanie understood that providing a healthy work environment would lead to lower absenteeism and insurance costs. She also understood that comfortable employees would be more willing to stay late if needed to keep up with their workload. A simple change created a more positive work environment and happier, more loyal employees.

---

Jennifer is the owner of a small, online company. She employees twelve people, but due to the economic downturn, she has to lay-off half of her staff.

Jennifer lets the staff know in advance that lay-offs will have to occur, so that they have time to process this news and prepare for the possibility.

She meets with each employee individually, and shares with them the positive impact each has had on the company. She reluctantly lets six staff members go, but provides references and referrals to each employee to assist them in finding new employment.

After the lay-offs, Jennifer meets with her reduced staff and shares the vision for the company’s future with them. She encourages their comments and suggestions as they discuss the next steps in moving the company forward.

Jennifer had no choice about letting go of her staff. However, she made the process as painless as possible and reconnected with her remaining team to help them move toward the future. As a result, her remaining employees felt secure and invested in the future of the company.

What do Healing Leaders have in common?

Healing leaders lead the whole person.
Healing leaders understand that their employees are people. They have lives outside of the organization and those outside lives affect the employee’s ability to be successful in the workplace. Healing leaders strive not only to understand all of the emotions and actions that influence their employees, but to assist their employees whenever possible to have more postive and fulfilling experiences. Healing leaders strive to maintain a healthy work environment, balance work and play and support health-concious efforts, such as physical fitness or healthy diet. They realize that a healthy, happy, whole employee will be more productive and loyal to the organization and strive to provide that to their staff.

Healing leaders foster community.
Healing leaders understand that coming together is important. They stress teamwork and idea-sharing. Healing leaders foster an environment where everyone feels empowered to make suggestions and share ideas, without fear of failure because they understand that good ideas can come from any level. They understand that workers who feel cared for and valued, not only by their employer, but by their peers as well, will result in higher production and a more positive work environment.

Healing leaders are hopeful.
Healing leaders “assume benign intent.” They see the positive in a person and find ways to support growth. Employees without hope are not happy employees. It is the leaders job to inspire a hope of better things in each of his employees, to encourage their growth and development.

Healing leaders have a vision.
In a crisis, everything stops. Often employees are drained and worried for the future. A healing leader has the vision to move forward, to set goals and to help the organization move past the crisis. Without that vision, the mission comes to a standstill. A healing leader looks toward the future, keeping the past in mind, and inspires his employees to do the same.

Think of the leaders you have worked with in the past or you work with today. How do they foster a healing environment in your workplace? If you are a leader, how do you foster a healing environment? Stay tuned for tomorrow, when I’ll provide some examples of healing leaders!

But I’m Not a Doctor! What is Healing in the Leadership Sense?

I will admit that it is weird to see the word “healing” as a description for a leader. So let’s first start with defining what “healing” means in this sense.

Wikipedia’s Servant Leadership Article states: “A great strength of a Servant Leader is the ability for healing one’s self and others. A servant leader tries to help people solving their problems and conflicts in relationships, because he wants to develop the skills of each individual. This leads to the formation of a business culture, in which the working environment is characterized by dynamic, fun and no fear from failure.”

Triple Creek Resource Center’s “Healing as a Leadership Attribute” defines Healing Leaders as “…those who inspire and enable wholeness to happen by modeling vulnerability, openness, hope and caring. They are present, concerned, realistic, and truly desire to enrich others. They also have a practical impact on those whom they influence.”

As you can see by these definitions, in the leadership sense, healing is more about repairing relationships and creating an environment that is open and supportive, so that each team member feels empowered to share ideas and concerns without fear.

Think on that for a bit… in the next couple days, we’ll look at some real-world examples and see how a healing-focused leadership style can make a positive impact on your company.

Some final thoughts on empathy

Wikipedia’s article on Servant Leadership states the following:

Empathy: A servant leader attempts to understand and empathize with others. Workers may be considered not only as employees, but also as people who need respect and appreciation for their personal development. As a result, leadership is seen as a special type of human work, which ultimately generates a competitive advantage.

The idea is to get to know the people you work with, not just for what they can do for you, but for what you can do for THEM. What can you do to help them become the best at what they do? How can you help them succeed? You can only get these answers by truly getting to know the people you work with and understanding them as a whole person.

I encourage you to take the time to get to know those who work with you – really get to know them. Throw away your past perceptions and take a new look at those around you. I promise you, the time you spend gaining understanding will result in a stronger and more effective team.

Roadblocks to an Empathetic Leadership Style

Being an empathetic leader is not easy. It takes work, effort and, most importantly, time. Those of you who do not naturally fall into this leadership style may have to take extra steps to ensure that you are listening to your teammates and having empathy for their individual situations.

The biggest roadblock to being successful as an empathetic leader/listener is our own unique tendency to see the world through our own frame of reference – our autobiographical tendency. When we respond within our own autobiographical references, we tend to exhibit four different behaviors, each being a roadblock to a successful empathetic relationship:

Don't form a judgment before hearing the whole story. We do this all the time. As we are listening or reading something, we subconsciously evaluate it based upon our own perceptions and interpretations. With empathetic listening, we have to get this evaluation in check and ensure that we are instead actively listening and understanding what is being said. When we evaluate, especially negatively, we close off communication, causing our co-worker to withdraw. Criticizing and evaluating prior to understanding is the single greatest barrier to open, honest communication.

Don't attack them with questions. Now I know I said earlier to ask questions to better understand the situation. But asking genuine questions as a way to encourage further conversation is a bit different from probing. Probing limits questions to within our own sphere of reference. It asks questions before there is a context within which to ask them. In the course of a conversation, certainly ask questions to further understand what the speaker is trying to communicate; however, ensure that you are not overwhelming the conversation with questions and that you are stopping to absorb the answer before moving on to the next question.

Keep your advice to yourself, at least for now. We all fall victim to this. You hear someone tell you about a problem they are having and you immediately start dispatching advice on how they best should handle it. Advice shuts down conversation and shows your co-worker that you assume you understand all the facets of the situation. Ensure that you understand the problem completely before offering advice… and only offer your advice when its requested.

Consider it from all angles. Be cautious when interpreting the situation. Assume benign intent. Don’t judge the current situation and actions on past perceptions and issues. Look at the situation in context and ensure that you are not limiting your interpretation to just what you might feel or believe, but what the others around you feel and believe as well.

By opening your mind and truly trying to put yourself in the shoes of the person you are working with, you can better understand their position and influences. With better understanding comes a better work environment and more productive and happy employees. Take the time to listen empathetically to your team and put the knowledge you learn to good use. It will not take long before the benefits of this practice will be seen within your organization.

Empathy 101

So you took the quizzes on Monday and find yourself lacking a bit in the empathy department? Never fear! I’ve got some tips to help you be more empathetic in the workplace.

The Compliment Coach  says “True empathy can only occur when we have shed preconceived ideas and judgments about others—and when we’re comfortable with others’ deep feelings.”

Perception. There it is again. It can be your best friend or your worst enemy.

So how can you be more empathetic? First, you need to clear your mind of all those perceptions that you have formed already and stop assuming you know what your co-worker is wanting from you. Clear your mind and really listen to what your co-worker has to say, without adding your own thoughts and perceptions to it. Try to put yourself in your co-workers shoes, think the way your co-worker might think and otherwise look at the situation from his viewpoint.

Don’t be afraid to be emotional and to share feelings. I’m not suggesting that you sit around and cry all day long, but as a leader, you are responsible for the people who work under you within the company. Get to know them as people, get to know how they feel about certain ideas and subjects, and understand what makes them tick. The more you know about a person, the more you will be able to understand their point of view and listen empathetically to them.

But what if I just really don’t like them, you ask? I know it can be really hard to put aside preconceived perceptions and opinions about someone you don’t care for in order to truly listen empathetically to them. My tip for this is to pretend like your opponent is your best friend – how would you treat your best friend if they felt that way? Would you still have such a negative opinion of them? Try to imagine that the person you are in conflict with is someone you admire greatly and treat them as such. Just that slight shift in perception will allow you to be more open and willing to listen.

A note about privacy: As your style as an empathetic leader grows, you will have better relationships and communication with your co-workers. This may lead to conversations that need to remain confidential. Never divulge private information about a coworker that you learned through a conversation to other coworkers. Gossip will only ruin any positive benefits you have created from becoming an empathetic listener.

For more great tips about improving your empathy skills, check out these great websites:

The Compliment Quotient

Leadership Cache

Workplace 911

The Bug In Your Ear

Why Is Empathy So Important Anyway?

I used to joke when I was a teenager that I had a file cabinet in my brain and whenever someone – a teacher, a parent or another adult – said or did something that I liked or didn’t like, I would “file it away” in my head for later.

In high school, I had a teacher named Mr. Cannon. He was my English teacher in 10th grade, and then I was lucky enough to have him for three other classes over the course of my high school career.

I really liked Mr. Cannon’s style. He never treated us like we were less than him. He always listened to us when we were struggling with our crazy teenager problems. He was really smart and knew what he was talking about and if he didn’t know the answer to something, he’d always admit it and go figure it out. He wasn’t an easy teacher – his classes were really challenging and I credit him with my enduring love of literature because of how he made it come alive for me. He was great at what he did. And he took the time, everyday, to be better at it by listening to his students and encouraging them to be successful.

Needless to say, I filed a lot of Mr. Cannon’s influence in my “good” file cabinet and I think I’m a better person for it. Not just because I learned a lot about literature and grammar and vocabulary either (although, I do have to thank him for paving the way for many, many Scrabble victories!), but because I learned a lot about being a person, and more specifically, a leader, because of his example.

Mr. Cannon is an empathetic leader. He cares for his students. He cares not just about what they know and how well they do on their tests. He cares for them as real people, and truly desires to help them become better people. He listens to them, learns who they are, and understands them, so that he can teach them in the way they learn best.

Because Mr. Cannon cared about me, I cared more about his class. I worked harder for him than I did for any of my other teachers. And even during my “skipping school phase”* my senior year, I always tried to ensure I was back in time for his class.

*Side note: having an empathetic teacher isn’t always fun and games. During said “skipping school phase,” Mr. Cannon’s concern over my repeated absences prompted him to call my mother to ensure I was all right… and of course, alerted my mother to my shenanigans. Even though he ratted me out, I couldn’t even get mad at him. He was really that great of a teacher.

My point in telling you my crazy high school story is that empathy DOES have a place in the workplace. And not just with students. Leaders who are empathetic get to know their employees and understand them. They keep the needs of those employees in mind as they make decisions. Employees who work for empathetic leaders trust that those leaders know them and feel comfortable sharing concerns with their boss. Feeling valued, they tend to work harder and have more passion.

It doesn’t take much time to get to know your employees, beyond what they do for you each day in the office. The time it takes to walk a moment in their shoes and really understand their perspective can make a tremendous difference in your workplace atmosphere – and result in happy, productive and passionate employees.

I’m willing to bet there are a lot more “mes” out there – former students of Mr. Cannon who were somehow inspired by him. I challenge each of you reading today to be more like Mr. Cannon. Take the time to learn about your co-workers. Be a mentor to those who work for you. Inspire those around you to be the best they can be.

What is Empathy?

Wikipedia defines Empathy as:

Empathy is the capacity to recognize and, to some extent, share feelings (such as sadness or happiness) that are being experienced by another sentient or semi-sentient being. Someone may need to have a certain amount of empathy before they are able to feel compassion.

Empathy is the key cornerstone in genuine human relationships. Empathy is conscious. It means one with empathy feels compassion, while those without do not take into account other people's emotions.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy

Empathy is that feeling that you get in the pit of your stomach when something happens to someone ELSE! It’s putting yourself in someone else’s shoes, trying to understand their thoughts and feelings, and really trying to “get” the person you are working with.

Are you an empathetic person? Here are a few quizzes to find out:

• Empathy Test
• Test your Empathy Quotient
• Empathy Quiz

Tune in tomorrow to find out why being empathetic is so important for a good leader!

So I'm back... for real this time!

I've been writing and writing and I'm ready to really really get back to our series on Servant Leadership. I hope you guys can forgive me for the very extended delay!

In an effort to refresh us and get us back on track, I thought it would be fun to post two things I found while doing my research in the past couple weeks. Both come from the website Modern Servant Leader (which I am now following with interest!)

The first is called the Servant Leader Manifesto. I actually posted this on my Facebook page yesterday, so my apologies for re-posting, but its so good it deserves some extra attention!

The second is the Leadership Assessment for Servant Leaders. It gives some really great real-world situations and demonstrates the different characteristics of servant leadership. Excellent way to assess how you handle certain situations and compare to the various servant leadership characteristics.

I also urge you to go back and review the earlier posts on Servant Leadership and its first characteristic, Listening, right here on my blog.

I again apologize for such a huge lapse in writing... I'm really excited to be back and talking about servant leadership with you again!

Heather

Sorry for disappearing/Some things I've learned

Hey everyone. I'm really sorry for disappearing. I have been pretty bogged down working on a new website for TMN and I also had some other things that pulled me away from my regular duties last week. I'm taking this week to finish up some stuff to get the website to a good place and wrap up some other things and hopefully we can return to our Servant Leadership series next week (cross your fingers!)

I've learned a lot in the past couple weeks that I have been "away" and I felt compelled to share some of them with you all. I think they are the kind of life lessons that everyone can benefit from (and if you already know all this stuff, well... then you can get a good laugh on me!)

So my first reason for being behind is the website. We've decided to use a Content Management System for our new website, which will be really awesome once its all working. There are so many great features and neat things that this software can do. I'm excited about this project and how awesome our new website is going to be!

So, my tasks were to install the software and get our new template converted from a PDF to the CMS template. Seems easy enough, right?

Well, first, I had to learn some web design stuff. I had done it before, long ago, but its changed a lot and I needed to brush up a bit. I spent the better part of a week taking the PDF and recreating it with CSS. It was so cool to watch it take shape and know that I was making this happen with just WORDS! Coding is so cool to me -- I guess that's my inner geekiness coming out!

Any of you who have ever done any web design know that there is not a tremendous amount of consistency among the browsers and you have to design with all of the browser's various quirks in mind. I spent that week working diligently on my code, testing it in three different browsers until it was absolutely perfect!

And then I opened it in Internet Explorer. Ouch.

Lesson learned: When you are making something for everyone, make sure that everyone can actually see it. And perhaps try not to forget the most used browser in the world in your troubleshooting. Sheesh Heather.

After I finally fixed ALL of those little bugs and errors, I was ready to make my HTML/CSS template into the Joomla! Template. No problem!

Another several days went by with me looking at one tutorial after another, trying to figure out WHY this seemed so complicated. And then, like a great smack in the head, it hit me. Maybe I should learn how to USE Joomla! before I tried to make a template for it.

You see, I was trying to do an advanced function in a new software, without really understanding how it worked to begin with. No wonder it seemed so complicated! I've always been the girl who skips the directions and goes straight to work and this time, I wasted a lot of time and energy trying to figure something out the wrong way.

Lesson learned: Sometimes you really do have to start at the beginning. And even though it seems like it will take more time, you'll save time in the end by starting off on the right foot!

I've also spent a good deal of time in the past week talking to some of our members and learning about their concerns about their chapter and about TMN. I've learned a lot of lessons from this experience.

I've learned that sometimes, doing it the same old way doesn't work. You have to be willing to try new things and new methods of communicating the same information, to ensure that everyone can HEAR you. If you're not getting your point across, perhaps its just that no one is listening to it!

Lesson learned: Be willing to try new things to solve old problems.

I've learned that most of our members are the same where it counts -- on the inside. They love their kids with all their hearts and just want to be good mommies. They come to our sites to get support and to learn and to find friends, so that they CAN be better mommies. And they have the same feelings as anyone else -- they hurt, they laugh, they cry, they rejoice. Its amazing to me how similar we are all at the very root of it all... and yet, we let all these things -- this STUFF -- trip us up.

I want to tell you about one of my favorite people in the whole world. She was a member of my home site for years and I always enjoyed reading her posts and getting her take on things. She's a smart cookie. When I homeschooled my daughter, I would host homeschool playdates for other moms on my local site, so we could let the kids play and the moms could talk about homeschooling, or whatever else came up! This one member decided to come to my homeschool playdate and we finally were able to meet in person.

After about an hour of non-stop talking (we hit it off instantly!), she admitted that she had almost not come to the playdate. I asked her why and she said "Well, I've read your posts for a long time and I know that we don't always agree on stuff like politics, so I figured you'd probably not like me and vice versa. But wow was I wrong!

It turned out we had SO much more in common than either of us had imagined and she has grown to be one of my most dear friends. And I would have never had her in my life in such a big way if she had let my "politics" be the way she judged the rest of me.

I see this all the time, on all of our chapters, at one point or another. We all get so hung up on that one thing (and some of us can be oh so passionate about the things that are important to us, can't we?) and we forget that behind that one opinion lies an entire person, with lots of other thoughts, feelings and passions, some of which could be just like ours!

Lesson learned: There is far more to a person that what she posts online. Getting to know the person behind the avatar opens up a world of new friendships and opportunities. I challenge all of my readers to really think on this one... and if there's someone that you just keep butting heads with on our forums, invite them to coffee. It will be an hour of your life, sure... but it may just be the surprising beginning to a lifelong friendship.

As you can see, its been a busy couple of weeks for me around here! I'm hoping that things will settle down soon and I can get back to talking about servant leadership with all of you! Thanks for reading!

Listening with your eyes / talking with your fingertips

So, for most of us associated with TMN, we spend a lot of time online. We communicate regularly via email, text and, perhaps most of all, posts on a community forum.

There's an art to "listening" as you participate in this type of communication as well. There are several key things to remember:

First, writing lacks verbal cues, such as tone, as well as nonverbal cues, such as facial expressions and mannerisms. Estimates range that approximately 80 to 94 percent of the information that is gathered in a face-to-face conversation comes from nonverbal cues. So it is more important than ever to ensure that you give the writer the benefit of the doubt and assume benign intent - you are missing a LOT of information when you read versus when you talk.

Second, though written communication gives you time to pause and reflect, that sometimes can backfire on you and give you time to brood and let your frustration take over. Be aware of when a situation is causing you a lot of frustration and do not let that frustration come out in your response.

Third, remember our discussion on perception a couple weeks ago? Perception plays a HUGE role in written communication. How I interpret your message is going to be based on my perception of you, your mood, your opinions and thoughts and your motivation in writing. If we are friends, I am more likely to read your email or post in a pleasant or neutral way, whereas if we have had contentious situations in the past, I am liable to allow those situations to reflect upon the message.

Finally, written communication causes a delay in the reaction of the other "speaker." You don't get the immediate nonverbal cues you would in a face-to-face conversation, to show that someone understands or is confused by what you are saying.

So what can you do to combat these particular written communication troubles?

First, take time to read and reflect upon the email or post. What is it saying at face value? Try to eliminate any preconceived thoughts about the writer and focus solely on the words.

Still having a tough time putting yourself in their shoes? Pretend the person writing the email or post is your very best friend. Now look at the words with that perception in mind. Does anything change? Do you see anything different than you did before?

If it is an especially contentious situation, sleep on it. You don't have to respond immediately (though it is important that you respond promptly!) and it is always better to have a well thought out and neutral response than one written in the heat of the moment that you may regret later. Remember, in a face-to-face conversation, your words might sting the person you are speaking with, but with written communication, your words are there, on the page, perhaps forever. Be sure that the words you write are the ones you are willing to let the entire world see: believe me, it has happened -- up until recently, you could do a Google search on my name and find several of my email conversations back and forth to  disgruntled members posted on blogs and websites - fortunately for me, I have yet to find one that I have been embarrassed about or felt that I handled poorly. You never know when your words might show up again later, so be sure that they are words you can stand behind.

Lastly, if you are unable to respond in a neutral tone, or unable to step back from your perception of the situation or the person communicating with you, find some help. TMN has lots of support built in with many leaders willing to lend a hand if necessary. A mark of a good leader is knowing when you are in over your head and calling in the troops for assistance... none of us can do this alone! Its important to ask for help when you need it.

Communication skills, both written and verbal, are essential to a good leader. Take advantage of the time you have with written communications to reflect and ensure that your response is fair and impartial. Those under you will have respect for you, knowing that they can trust you to be neutral and fair in all situations.

For further reading:
You've Got Conflict - Email & Conflict Management (pdf)

Listening Quiz

LISTEN!
I think I told you guys that this blogging thing is new to me! I'm sorry for extending Week 1 into Week 2, but I was juggling a little too much last week! Please forgive!

So I spent some time trying to find good quizzes last week and it was harder than I expected. There are a lot of quizzes about listening in conversation but not many about listening in writing -- and well, at TMN anyway, we "listen" through the written word all day long! I wanted to make sure we touched on that part of it too, so today I'm going to share a "listening through speech" quiz I found online... and then tomorrow, I'll be back to talk about how we can listen through the written word.

First, let's look at how you listen when you're having an in-person conversation. Take a moment to take this simple 15-question quiz.

Ok, I know I admitted last week that this is not one of my strongest areas... but its still a little embarrassing to admit that I scored 39 out of 60 on this quiz.

How do you rate?
50-60 Excellent! You have exceptional listening skills.40-49 Above average, but you could improve your skills.
30-39 Your score is promising, but you could greatly improve.
15-29 You need serious listening training.

 Ok, so I can greatly improve... I guess I already knew that! I know that the things I need to work on are to stop interrupting when people are talking and to allow people the opportunity to finish before I start planning what I am going to say next. Right there, in the moment, I get excited and impatient to say what's on my mind. I need to remember that the person across the table deserves time to get their point across and I need to focus my entire attention on THEIR point before I start formulating my own.

How did you do on this test? Did the questions give you any insight into what your strengths are as a listener? What about your weaknesses? Where can you improve in this area? Think of one thing you can do the next time you are in a face-to-face conversation to be a better listener and then go out and DO IT!

Improve Your Listening Skills Even When You Don't Want to Listen by Kevin Eikenberry

I've said it in a hundred training workshops. Listening is important. I don't know why I say it - everyone already knows it. Whether talking to leaders, coaches, trainers, meeting facilitators, plant operators or anyone else, I'm sure the reaction is the same.

"Duh, Kevin, that's profound."

I believe we all know how to be great listeners when we really want to be. Times like: on a second date, when comforting someone who is hurting, when helping someone we care about. All of these are times we have experienced, and if our listening were graded in these situations, we would all score high.

So, listening is a skill we already have, and can perform quite well in certain situations. The problem is we don't practice our skills at our best in nearly enough situations.

In fact, there are sometimes that we are awful listeners. Times like:
- When we are angry.
- When we are busy.
- When we don't care or are uninterested.
- When we are bored.

Most of us aren't very good listeners in these situations. But it is in many of these situations when improving our listening habits will pay us the biggest dividends. What can we do then to improve our listening habits in these difficult times?

The Seven "Gets"
There are seven specific "Gets" that I recommend to you in any situation when you aren't at your listening best. Here they are:

Get Curious.
I learned this in college. I was most successful in classes I was interested in. So, to improve my success in other classes I looked for what I found interesting or wondered about. When I got more curious I became more interested, listened more carefully and was more successful. The same is true for meetings or one-on-one conversations. Become curious and you will listen more carefully, ask questions for clarification and understanding, and voila! boredom becomes interest.

Get a pen. 
Taking notes when listening has a way of keeping your mind on task. It shows the other person that you are genuinely interested and helps you hear for important facts, feelings and other information. You may not want to bring out your notebook in every conversation, but there are many situations, especially in our professional lives where taking notes will increase your listening effectiveness significantly.

Get focused.
The last two pieces of advice help us focus, for sure. Beyond that though we can improve our listening by shutting off our brain a bit. Stop thinking about the call you need to make. Stop thinking about your other project. Stop, and listen.

Get over it.
Perhaps someone is talking about something you don't agree with, or they have hit a hot button with one of their comments. Often at this point we stop listening and await our chance to rebut, restate or renounce their comments. Get your mind back into listening mode by telling your mind to "Stop!" If you have a passionate point to make your passion will help you communicate it. Keep listening, and state your ideas when the time is right.

Get over yourself.
Sometimes we are angry or frustrated about things that are unrelated to what the speaker is saying. In these cases we need to get over ourselves and get into the other person. The speaker may need counsel or acknowledgement from us, or may need our help on something very important. Get over your stuff and listen. Don't take your anger out on the other party just because they are there. Hint: Listening isn't about you.

Get space.
Sometimes we can delay a conversation if we are really upset or otherwise distracted. If the situation allows you to get back with the other person, be honest and tell them that you need a few minutes before you will be able to truly listen to them. They will appreciate your comments and be pleased to have a better listener in front of them at that future time.

Get in practice.Since listening is a skill, we can practice it. When we practice doing something we build a habit. So practice better listening skills all of the time, especially when it is easier to do so. Then the next time you don't really want to listen, your habits will kick in and you will be more effective.

Each of these seven will help you listen better in the difficult situations. I encourage you to take this advice, applying at least one of them today to the next listening challenge you face.

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© 2007-2011 All Rights Reserved, Kevin Eikenberry and The Kevin Eikenberry Group. Kevin is Chief Potential Officer of The Kevin Eikenberry Group (http://KevinEikenberry.com), a learning consulting company that helps Clients reach their potential through a variety of training, consulting and speaking services. To receive your free special report on Unleashing Your Remarkable Potential go to http://www.kevineikenberry.com/uypw/index.asp or call us at (317) 387-1424 or 888.LEARNER.